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Wednesday, February 26, 2003
Take A Number, Stand In Line:.
I’m waiting…
No really ~ I’m just sitting here. And waiting…
Have I mentioned that I’m waiting…
Waiting; like the Lubavitcher’s in Williamsburg wait for the Messiah. Like a 15 year old who hasn’t had safe sex waits for her period. Like a stoner staring at the popcorn in the microwave {for all 2.55 minutes}.
And nothing… and all I’m waiting for is one quality man. One man who will make my heart flip over, who will make me struggle to remember what he looks like, I’m that smitten. One man who gets what “that look” on my face means, that I hate macadamia nuts, the answer to #42 down and doesn’t mind that my feet are freezing.
Have I told you about the dates I have been on lately? Seemingly hundreds of them and I cannot, for the life of me, meet a decent guy with whom I share a healthy dose of chemistry. Why is it so hard…
Arranged Chinese marriages… see, now I bet they were onto something. I’m simply no longer so sure that I have the tenacity to… date. This has not been going well.
Now; in all fairness, I started off the season with a blatant one night stand. I knew exactly what it was going in. Part of me likened it to dipping my toes in a pool before the big dive {uhm… I don’t actually know how to dive} But I digress..
When “dating in earnest” began there was Rob. Whom I adored. Ah-dor-ed. In perfect fashion he promptly disappeared off the face of the earth. I have dated men that moved but a full on vanishing act? That was a new one.
Rob was followed by Shawn. Shawn; the I-don’t-mind-that-you-smoke guy. Until he minded incredibly. Had he had an iota of a personality I might have been offended by the lame ass email I got from him after our first date. But no, there was merely relief.
Shawn was then preceded by Ned, a friend of a friend that I had drinks with one night. Nice guy ~ no chemistry.
Moving straight ahead we have Eddie. A guy from the neighborhood that I met at DTUT for coffee. He had two lemonades, twirled my hair around his finger, rolled up the sleeve of my sweater and repeatedly poked me in the nose. After coffee {& lemonades} he walked me home and gave a very persistent argument as to why I should invite him inside. Eddie would make a terrible lawyer.
A week or so later I met Darren for lunch. Let me ask you this ~ how long into lunch is it appropriate to tell a man that you know he’s gay? Even if he doesn’t know it. Buh-bye Darren.
Three nights later I met Andrew for drinks. Poor guy… I could tell 10 minutes in that he wasn’t diggin’ me. If the restaurant we were at had a window I would have climbed out of it. Gladly.
Fast forward to a week later. Again, coffee at DTUT, this time with a fella named Nick. Nick was cute and funny and sweet. And when I sent him an email, telling him that it was nice meeting him and I had fun… I heard… nothing back. Well, that’s not quite true. I did hear back, but I'm not optimistic.
Most recent foray into meeting men? Well… we already hashed that out. So what I say to you is this…
Do dating and Ari go hand in hand? Can it really be safe for me to be out there?
Help.
9:20 PM
Monday, February 24, 2003
Sayonara My Syracuse Sweetie:
Uhm…
Right… so, you guys tell me… does it seem normal that at the cusp of 31 I could still have wisdom teeth pushing through? My co-workers seem to think that is eminently possible. Yeah… I’m not sure either.
Today kind of blew. A co-worker and personal friend of mine had her last day at work. On Friday she will pack up her car and move 5 whole entire hours away. Bah Hambug!! {can I still use that in February?} I missed her before she even left. I adore, did I say adore this girl. Her name is Miss Rita… and I love her. It started off as such an incredibly easy friendship… I met her through Joe who, I believe I have stated before; has the most exemplary character judgement and simply the very best friends ever. Rita is Joe’s friend from 400 years ago. They are thistight. Quite indulgent of me to be this sad, I know.
Miss Rita is petite-er and cuter than words. Words! Man.. this gal is simply put; whip-smart, with a rock-out sense of humor and immensely capable {somewhat of a rarity at my place of employ}. She will be so very sorely missed. No matter how rabidly annoying her co-workers get she was never a big grouch {uhm… like me for example}. Rita was a serious bright spot in our office. Always funny and cheerful but never in the you-want-to-kick-her-teeth-out sort of way. Never!
I took her out to lunch today. We spoke a lot about Joe and some ideas of things I want to do for him. Firstly, because he’s moving and we all know that surviving a move is to be rewarded with a gift. Secondly, because my boy has been so blue and it kills me to see him sad. Thirdly, because fuck protocol, I love him!! Other than Joe, we dished on some of my recent “dates”, bitched about co-workers and lamented the fact that time constraints will prevent us from going …uhm… personal toy… shopping together. I really wanted to do the last part with her, it would have been soooo hilariously fun. Dammit! Dammit to hell!
After lunch, Rita and I walked back up Broadway together. When we got to Starbucks I decided to go in while Rita was going to head on home to Queens. We hugged in the street and said goodbye. I was still very much ok at this point. While I was waiting for my venti, skim, gingerbread latte I heard a little voice inside my head yell…
“Rita…”
I ran outside and watched her walk away. I could see her little red head bobbing one block up, getting smaller and smaller still.
She doesn’t leave NYC until Friday. I fully expect to get bon-voyage-shitfaced with her before then.
!!Fully!!
7:39 PM
Want to know what you have been missing? My compatriot says it best.
**I'll be back with my own musing very very soon.
Pinkie Swear It.
11:38 AM
Tuesday, February 18, 2003
Ten Reasons To Be Glad I’m Not Your Girl:
1. I apparently eat Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups in bed.
2. I'm atypical, not whiny like you boys are accustomed to.
3. I’d always promise to “massage your back next”. It’s a lie.
4. Even a majority of my thong underwear is cotton.
5. I’d don’t loofah my heels and elbows as much as I should.
6. My friends are predominantly male {and cute}.
7. I’d never agree to shower with you.
8. I’d use sarcasm to deflect and maintain distance from you.
9. You’d never be my guy the way Dog is.
10. When we break up you’d miss the best ...ahem... you ever had.
…so there…
Chickens.
11:50 PM
Monday, February 17, 2003
Whooo Hooo… it’s a SNOW DAY!!
My dear Moppets… I have been so very busy. I stayed up all night doing a Snow Dance®. It seems to have been highly effective. If I do say so myself. I give you… THE BLIZZARD OF 2003!!!
Go me… go me… go me… go me… go me…go me... go me... go me... go me...
But! Am I Prepared for a Snow Day?
A Checklist:
1. Copious amount of greens? Check.
2. New issues of several trendy, brain-candyesque magazines? Check.
3. Full pack of Camel Lights? Check.
4. Supply of coffee, hot cocoa and milk? Check, check and check.
5. Snow Day TV {ie: 2 taped episodes of 24, 1 of ER}? Check.
6. Backup DVD’s? Check. {Dazed and Confused a must!!}
{*I would have made a rockin’ Girl Scout!*}
Now… should those things start to bore me {because by Ari Standards and Practices I am awake extremely early and Dog is already walked} What else can or will I do today? Well… first and foremost I will continue doing my {again - highly effective, if I do say so myself} Snow Dance® – you can all thank my for my efforts at a later date. After that, I have a contingency plan;
I could do laundry.
I could bake some muffins.
I could post about my highly anticipated yet in actuality yawn-worthy date from Saturday night.
I could play with the contents of the Clinique® bonus gift my mom gave me.
I could dye my lackluster tresses a lovely Catherine Zeta-Jones brunette.
I could sit around on my ass, puffin’ and watching mediocre television.
I could go online and IM with some of my faves…
Either way ~ I will have some relaxing fun today. Did I mention that StinkyRoommate is in NJ at his girls’ place? *Glee*
You do the same =)
10:24 AM
Tuesday, February 11, 2003
To steal mercilessly from Wally Lamb…
I Know This Much is True:
someone needs to sit my ass down and explain the allure “hair bands”
Funyuns® have forever lost their hold over me
I’ll never like Jagermeister
there are some things I am not meant to understand
a fresh notebook will always be inspirational
coffee is a very good friend of mine
I will never snub my nose at pot
I’ll always be more of a Guy’s Girl vs. a Girly Girl
Breyer’s mint chocolate chip ROCKS
… always leave them wanting more…
**night.
11:51 PM
Monday, February 10, 2003
More Than Just Skin Irritant:
I have been in truly marvelous spirits for the past few days. A real delight to be around. Hey, have you seen this movie? Yeah… I’ve been her. A complete and inexplicable bitch.
In the past few days I have fought with:
1. StinkyRoommate {that was a biggie}
2. Younger brother “J” {he’s a study in idiocy}
3. Doug {I was soooo provoked into that one}
4. My apartment building’s manager {get rid of my mice man!}
5. Select co-workers {‘cuz you suck}
6. Fellow mass transit passengers {fine, those fights were only in my imagination}
Rest assured… if I haven’t fought with you… we probably just haven’t crossed paths.
10:58 PM
Sunday, February 09, 2003
Not At All a Den of Inequity:
At the eleventh hour, damned pseudo deities persuaded Fish to enjoy the warmth, serenity and safety of her own home. However, my inner voice {or, as he is familiarly known to me; younger brother “J”} and several Friday morning IM’s between Bob and I convinced me to go solo.
Convinced me to go where, you ask? Why… to the Blogger Bash, of course.
The phenomenally cool and clearly alluring Jane and the witty and cuter-than-words Brian did all that were attended the service of organizing this delightful little get together. Although… it wasn’t so little. Not little at all. There were a few dozen bloggers in attendance. There were a few folks that I had met before and more that I had never even heard of.
My pathetic little self esteem issues of arriving solo were quickly assuaged. Brian knew who I was the second I walked in. That was both welcoming and eerie. I had been dying to meet Brian - turns out he's rock-out cool, cute, bitingly sarcastic and just my kind of guy {*sigh* if only I were a guy =<}. Then I saw the oh-so-wise-Bob and beautifully tall Kambri both of whom I have had the distinct pleasure of boozin’ it up with before. Then there was Ken who has single-handedly increased my comfort level at two get-togethers now. If there is anyone to whom I owe a big fat drink it is Ken. And Ken, sorry if I bugged you out a little with the good-bye hug at the end of the night. I’m affectionate and often forget that others have physical boundaries. I got to meet the lovely and talented Alex who, to the elation of many, was armed with free mixed cds for all and an even nicer smile. There was a couple that I am pretty damn sure were Swingers, that provided me with nearly as much entertainment as the drunkard that never once sat upright, the entire evening. I had been looking forward to meeting Petit Hiboux, she RSVPed, but I'm pretty sure she {sadly} was not there. There was a seemingly cute {it was dark} and interesting lawyer-fellow whom I chatted with briefly, I’m not sure what his name was but I definitely remember telling him that he looked like this guy from Kissing Jessica Stein. Hmm… who was poorly lit boy, anyone know? I'm a smidge curious...
All in all it was a very fun night. I got a pack of cards {thanks Kambri}, a cd {thanks Alex}, a fun conversation {thanks Ken}, plans for Saturday night {thanks Jane} and inspiration for my upcoming birthday party in March {yes, you are invited. Details to follow…}
You totally should’ve been there. If only to meet me…
{**and by the way... what's the deal with people that tell you they read you, utterly adore you, but never link you? Where's the love?!?!**}
8:12 PM
Wednesday, February 05, 2003
PMS - The Beauty of Being a Woman:
{ *which apparently translates into: Petty, Mean & Snippy*}
Today started off just fine. I had a headache but it went away after the first cup of coffee I had. My mood was fine but it didn’t take long at all before the day began to rapidly slide downhill.
First, I bought a breakfast which I never ate grrr…
That was followed up by my going off on select co-workers due to stress, hunger, and a strong general dislike for most of them.
I got to leave work early{!!!}
But… it was so that I could go to the dentist. I did, however, escape with both mouth and wallet intact. Niiiiice.
Yet more disappointment…
On my way home I attempted to buy some cd’s at Sam Goody, only to discover Sam Goody was… gone.
!!THEN!! just to the temper the excitement of my getting home a full 25 minutes earlier than usual StinkyRoommate and I get into argument #374,000 entitles; “Your Girlfriend Has Her Own Home”. That’s a “conversation” that usually goes quite, {quite!!} well…
At 8:46pm this evening I realized I was PMSy. EUREKA!!
So… to recap; PMS, no food, catty to co-workers, dentist, no cd’s, fight with roommate.
*sigh*
At least my leftover, reheated dinner didn’t suck. Much.
11:21 PM
Tuesday, February 04, 2003
ZZZZZzzzzzz...
If I don’t hit the sheets and fall asleep soon I’m going to miss my date.
11:55 PM
Monday, February 03, 2003
Enjoy!!
I have just revamped my ENTIRE page. Let's all take a moment to appreciate its newfound beauty and thank G.I. Jane and Fish for all of their assistance.
4:09 PM
Sunday, February 02, 2003
If the “Heathers” Had Been Just One Mean Midget:
*Warning - this post refers to midgets. Not nicely, either*
The Scene: A black Nissan Maxima sits double parked, outside Centro Fly {a club on W. 21st Street}.
The Time: 10:30PM – Thursday Night – Jan. 30th.
I’m waiting in the car while my brother “J” is unloading crates of records and dragging them into the club. After two trips he asks me to wait for a few more minutes. Fine. As I am waiting the {legally parked} car in front of me vacates the spot. I go to back up and slam on the brakes, having suddenly noticed a head peeking out over the trunk of the Mercedes behind me. Shit, I almost ran over a midget!! I turned around to make sure I had missed and then I realized… I know this midget/dwarf/little person. I went to high school with her!!
And yes; I was terrorized by this mean-spirited midget all through high school.
Pathetic, I know. Terrorized by a 3 foot tall midget {she wasn’t even of the 4 foot midget variety!!}. Yet, my white-bread-suburban-high-school embraced this black-hearted girl. {For the record; I refer to my H.S. as “white-bread” because the only black kid in the school was Stevie Wonder’s son - does that even count?} Anyway, the midget was quite popular in H.S. {I’m sure it had zip to do with her incredibly hot, full sized and well liked older brother} – she, on the other hand, was one of the most unattractive girls ever to exist. That always amazed me, how could an ugly midget have no compassion in her heart for anyone else?!?!. How could someone who’d had no interaction with me ever so viciously despise me?!?! The girl was a cheerleader for pete’s sake, why did she even care about me? I could never comprehend… If you were not in her select group of friends she was a raging bitch. She’d stand near the lockers in her teeny tiny Z. Cavaricci or Girbaud jeans with the rest of the incredibly trendy “cool kids” and mock the Gap clad “regular kids” as they walked by. I used to marvel at how lucky she was to be born filthy rich – her parents must have spent a fortune at the tailor! She’d point at their Levi’s and let loose a hyena like cackle. She’d walk past you in the cafeteria and “accidentally” knock you in the head with her tray. In my case, every time I opened my mouth in American History she’d loudly imitate {and not in the sincerity is the highest form of…} my ghastly Brooklyn accent. She wrote nasty things about me on my locker in red nail polish. She’d holler “fat loser” at me in the halls. I never knew why I was so special to her. It was one of the “Great Mysteries” of my teenage years. But the day I left high school I forgot about her. I never even harbored any anger to the Little People community at large, nope, outta sight outta mind {no “sight line” pun intended}.
So, on Thursday night, outside of Centro Fly – I saw Her again. This time she was knocking on my car window.
“If you move up, I can pull out and this spot’s all yours.”
I don’t know what came over me. I blurted out; “I know you, I went to high school with you.” Why? Why, did I say that?
She looked me right in the eyes, she could, since I was sitting, and with the bitchiest possible expression, in both look and tone she replied;
“Wow… and, isn’t that great…”
Twelve years later and she’s still a raging bitch. I sat there and seethed. When she finally pulled out of the spot and passed me, what I saw made me burst out laughing.
Her license plate read: HAFPYNT!!!
Right… cause she’s all sweet and cute like Laura Ingalls…
8:53 PM
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